I feel like I’m in a 500 level potty training course….AND that I’ve failed…
Those of you that have been regular readers will recall that we began potty training Catherine QUITE some time ago. We had our fights, our ups and downs, and then I suddenly thought that she was finally getting it. When I would arrive to pick her up from daycare she would be dry. She would stop her playing at home and use the potty. We were pleased.
Then something happened. I don’t know what. I can’t even begin to know what. But something happened and she regressed. She began having regular accidents, she was wet at daycare, she would go through all the clothes I had sent with her and show no remorse or concern. Rewards didn’t seem to work. Punishments just earned arguing from her, return arguing from us, and a smug attitude from her that made me irate.
My mother would tell me that all she needed was a pat on the bottom. But even after watching both Chuck and I give a ‘pat on the bottom’ after an entire weekend at her grandparents house where she didn’t ONCE use the potty because “I don’t feel like it” even my mother had to admit that she just didn’t seem to care. She seemed to enjoy the negative attention as much as positive attention, and would smugly smile at you as tried be stern. My mother in law suggested moving her backwards into diapers again which Chuck and I discussed but felt like months of work were gone and we weren’t sure it would change anything since she treats her underwear like diapers most days anyway.
I think about her starting school in the fall of 2009 and I wonder if she’ll even be potty trained by then. I wonder if the whole thing is just her way of controlling us in the one way she can. We can’t control when she pees, she has absolute power over us there. We’ve wondered if it’s a way of getting attention, whether negative or positive.
We have however, as our studies into potty training continue, noticed a pattern.
- She tends to regress whenever there’s a change. (i.e. one or both parents leaves for a work related trip, we travel to a grandparents house for the weekend, we visit friends etc)
- She stays drier at daycare. There’s a strict potty schedule at daycare. We have no potty schedule at home. Are we shooting ourselves in the foot? Don’t we want her though to be able to sense when SHE has to go? There’s some things to ponder there.
- She often will not tell you when she’s wet. She’ll continue playing. If you discover she’s wet she tries to hide it and tells you to “Nevermind” and “Leave me alone” Is she actually ashamed? Could there actually be a physical reason why?
- Lately she has started avoiding other tasks, like dressing herself, trying to write her name, etc because she says she’s “Not a big girl.” If you ask her why she’ll tell you that she has lots of accidents and that only big girls don’t have accidents. I’m not sure whether she’s trying to use this logic to manipulate me and get herself out of doing things or if she actually feels like a failure. She’s very dramatic. It’s sometimes hard to tell.
- It does not bother her to be wet. This worries me slightly. It makes me wonder if I shouldn’t have pushed the potty training thing when I did.
- She cries if you get upset with her for being wet. She’ll also apologize in advance for being wet. The more laid back you are about it, the better she seems to do. If I tell her “It’s ok. Just clean up and try again.” She tends to try harder than when I try to punish her. She gets defensive and then starts peeing on furniture, floors etc.
Chuck and I are not pet people. We don’t have cats (I’d love one-not Chuck!). We don’t have dogs (He’d like one-not me!). I’m beginning to think it would have been easier to get a puppy, or perhaps I should spread newspaper all over my livingroom, or purchase a litter box.
I can only hope that Max will be easier.
Any advice out there? ANYONE????